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Thursday, June 20, 2013

Brain Games


The other day my lady friends and I discussed the vast differences between the way male and female brains process thoughts. Of course, we came to the unanimous agreement that everything we’d ever heard or read comparing ‘his’ brain to ‘her’ brain was one hundred percent true.
“I can only discuss one subject at a time with my son or he loses focus,” one girlfriend said.
“My brother won’t admit I can remember everything he told me last month, even when I can prove it in writing,” another said.
“After twenty plus years my hubby still doesn’t believe I can read and listen to him at the same time,” I added to the conversation, “Even when I repeat back verbatim what he just told me.”
We shook our heads in mutual understanding.
There have been scientific studies into this puzzling phenomenon, but you don’t need to Google to find them…just ask any woman.
One comparison I’ve heard recently made perfect sense to me. Man’s brain = meatballs,          woman’s = spaghetti.  Not to insinuate men’s brains are nothing more than a lump of meat, but rather that they tend to focus their thoughts into little individual balls of information.  Women’s thoughts, on the other hand, are typically an entanglement of numerous subjects piled all together like spaghetti on a plate.
Comedian Mark Gungar calls this the “brain box” division. According to Mark, men categorize their thoughts and file them in various boxes: car, job, wife, kids, mother-in-law, etc. When they need a piece of information or a response to a question, they simply go to that box for the answer. Apparently, the boxes never touch. I guess that’s the reason they have difficulty discussing multiple topics at once or recalling what you said to them ten minutes ago. It takes time to go the box and retrieve the information. 
 Mark also added that a man’s favorite box is the NOTHING box. The ‘nothing’ box enables men to appear comatose yet breathing at the same time. They use this box for such activities as fishing, watching sports, or shopping with women.
Here is a short experiment to test a man’s ‘nothing’ box. When you see him in a comatose state, ask him “What are you thinking?”  If his reply is “Nothing,” you are witnessing the box in action.
Women have no idea what a ‘nothing’ box is or what purpose it could possibly serve. 
I think some women would agree that men may be using the ‘nothing’ box at all times, but most certainly when the woman wants to engage in significant, emotional conversation.
This brings me to the female brain. Mark likened it to a ball of wire connected to emotional electrons which power the wire ball. Get a visual on this: ball of wire, plate of spaghetti - see the connection? Men are now looking through their box labeled “connective materials.” It’ll be a minute for them to catch up.
If they were to admit it, I think women envy the ‘nothing’ box. Oh, to be able to relax in a tub and forget about the laundry pile, grocery list or how long it’s been since we shaved our legs. I would go so far as to bet that any woman on the planet cannot recall the last time she had a single thought in her brain at any given moment. Wait. I don’t think I said that right.
Anyway, I would like to offer this parting plea to any man reading my male/female brain synopsis. To paraphrase a TV commercial: “Don’t hate me ‘cause I have a brain that never stops working and can multi-task faster than yours and remembers everything that transpired from the day I was born and demands incomprehensible emotional support and interactive conversation … pity me.”