
“Okay, Sir,
take everything off from the waist down and put on this dressing gown, open in
the front. Bring your wallet with you. Yes, sir, I realize there aren’t any
pockets in the gown. You’ll just have to carry the wallet. Yes, I know that
might be a bit difficult while you’re trying to hold the front of the gown
shut, but it’s necessary for security purposes. When you’re ready, have a seat
on that chair and I’ll call you as soon as I can. Yes, sir, it could be a bit
drafty, but I’ll try to get to you shortly.”
“Mr. Jones, you’re next. So sorry for the wait.
That’s true. I’m sure twenty five minutes seemed like a long time to sit on a
cold chair wearing only a flimsy gown, but there are many mannograms scheduled today
and we’re doing the best we can.”
“Please put
your wallet down over there and stand in front of the x-ray machine for an
adjustment. No,sir. I mean adjustment of the machine…to the proper height. Keep
your arms at your side, stand straight. Just relax, Mr. Jones. I’m going to
lower the machine now so it’s positioned properly.”
“Ready? Here
we go. Lowering…a bit lower…oh my…lower still. Wow! I mean, good, it’s in position.”
“Can you
stand bit closer, please? Thank you. Now I’m going to pull and stretch to be
sure we get a good shot of the glandular material. Oops, sorry. Did that hurt?
I’ll try to be more gentle, but I need
to be sure I get a clear shot of all that dense tissue. We don’t want to have
to re-take the photos, now do we?
“Okay,
perfect. Now here’s what will happen. The plates are going to lower and
compress your…things. It might pinch a bit and you could experience slight discomfort
from the pressure of the plates smashing your…errr…as the x-ray plates
compress. But it shouldn’t be too painful.”
“Ready to go,
Mr. Jones. Please don’t move while I duck behind the lead lined radiation protective
wall. What’s that? Oh no, Sir. I assure you there’s no reason for alarm. The
radiation zap will not cause any harm or dysfunction…at least I don’t think so.
“Hold your
breath…don’t move…one, two, three – done. You can exhale now and I’m going to
turn your…I’m going to re-position things to get another view.”
“Let me just
twist this a bit to the left…excellent. Hold your breath again, Mr. Jones. What’s that? You already were? No need to do
that prematurely, Sir. Just wait until I’m finished.”
“Taking the picture now. Exhale. That’s it, Mr. Jones. A photo finish!
That wasn’t so bad, was it? What? Oh, yes. The redness is perfectly normal and
the soreness should dissipate within a few hours. You did a great job, Mr. J.
see you next year.”
Yep, I’m
convinced. If men had to get their stuff squished on an annual basis, I’d bet a
new procedure would be developed within a week.
I just wish some inventor would bite the bullet and give a mannogram a
try. If for no other reason than to
report to other inventors to get the show on the road and come up with something
better.
I’m sure I speak for every woman on the planet
when I say, “We’re waiting.”
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