Candy Crush

Forget Black Friday…I’m all about Brown Monday. 

If you’re a candyholic like I am, the day after Easter you’re up at dawn and at the store the minute the doors open. Basket in hand, you make a mad dash—like the kids on a frenzied egg hunt—to be sure you’re first in line when all the seasonal sweets go on sale. I’ll take a bargain on Dove’s dark chocolate eggs over anything Macy’s has to offer, every time. 

The grab-n-go crush is exactly the same for candy as any post-holiday sale. I almost lost a hand trying to get out of the way of a lady clawing through piles of leftover confections on the bargain table. She eyed the bag of edible grass I was holding like Dracula zeroing in on his next victim. Apparently, candy faux grass was her favorite. She swooped every last bag of it off the table quicker than I could read the flavor label. Not that blueberry or green apple edible grass appeals to me anyway. Honest. I was just curious. Really.

I classify that delicacy right up there with cotton candy squished into a plastic tub. When I see it sitting on a shelf, I may as well be looking at Gefilte fish or pig knuckles floating in a jar. My reactions are identical - does anyone really buy that stuff?

In case you were wondering, there were plenty of Peeps on sale. At first glance, one would think they had a thirty year shelf life, like our dearly departed original Twinkies—may they rest in peace—but not so. Last year I bit into a Peep that was about three weeks old and nearly broke a tooth. My girlfriend uses them to make table centerpieces. That should have been my first clue. 

Unfortunately, this year I only had time to forage for leftover candy at my local drugstore, and the pickins’ were rather slim. But I did manage to score a few Pez shooters, several bags of pastel M&Ms, malted milk Robin’s eggs and some Willie Wonka Gobstoppers (I have no idea what they are, but I love that movie, so how bad can they be?).  A twenty-four inch chocolate bunny at half price also made the cut. Not that I’m a huge fan of milk chocolate, but seriously, who could resist a bargain like that?

Next year I’m changing my strategy. No more Brown Monday petty-candy-picking at some tiny drugstore. It’s the major leagues for me. I have an entire year to get ready for the Big Box Store candy scramble madness. I’ll be ready, no problem. I’m salivating just thinking about it. Can you just imagine what I’m going to be able to stockpile until Halloween rolls around and I can re-supply? 

The possibilities are staggering!