Forget Black Friday…I’m all about Brown Monday.

The grab-n-go crush is exactly the same for candy as any
post-holiday sale. I almost lost a hand trying to get out of the way of a lady clawing
through piles of leftover confections on the bargain table. She eyed the bag of
edible grass I was holding like Dracula zeroing in on his next victim. Apparently,
candy faux grass was her favorite. She swooped every last bag of it off the
table quicker than I could read the flavor label. Not that blueberry or green
apple edible grass appeals to me anyway. Honest. I was just curious. Really.
I classify that delicacy right up there with cotton candy
squished into a plastic tub. When I see it sitting on a shelf, I may as well be
looking at Gefilte fish or pig knuckles floating in a jar. My reactions are
identical - does anyone really buy that stuff?
In case you were wondering, there were plenty of Peeps on
sale. At first glance, one would think they had a thirty year shelf life, like
our dearly departed original Twinkies—may they rest in peace—but not so. Last
year I bit into a Peep that was about three weeks old and nearly broke a tooth.
My girlfriend uses them to make table centerpieces. That should have been my
first clue.

Next year I’m changing my strategy. No more Brown Monday
petty-candy-picking at some tiny drugstore. It’s the major leagues for me. I
have an entire year to get ready for the Big Box Store candy scramble madness.
I’ll be ready, no problem. I’m salivating just thinking about it. Can you just
imagine what I’m going to be able to stockpile until Halloween rolls around and
I can re-supply?
The possibilities are staggering!
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