Welcome to my humor blog where I offer my take on: Life - that crazy stuff that happens on the way to your dreams *** Liberty - to Snippet on any subject that pops into my brain *** and the Pursuit of Happiness - both yours and mine.

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Friday, May 30, 2014

Hair Today...Gone Tomorrow

Has anyone noticed all the ads suddenly popping up for hair removal remedies?

Granted, summer is fast approaching and with that comes the dreaded body analysis. No, I’m not referring to the usual diet-to-try-to-squeeze-into-last-year’s-swimsuit examination. I’m talking winter hair growth…and more specifically...its removal. 
I’m of the belief that hair seems to grow more dense and thick during the winter months. Kinda like a bear in hibernation. When you stick your head out of your cave to look at the spring flowers, you suddenly notice about six months of furry stuff covering your body.
It was easy to hide unshaven legs under boots or long pants, and unattended armpits secretly lurked under layered blouses and sweaters (you know who you are).  But once the warm weather sets in, all attempts at hair-hiding are off.
Unlike some foreign countries, I don’t think hairy legs or armpits will ever be in style in the US. It seems like American women are obsessed with purging their bodies of every tiny hair follicle. They’ll go to just about any length and spend a small fortune to rid themselves of unwanted growth.
Guess they’re not the only ones. Now, men are even joining in the crusade to jettison chest and back hairs. Some women might agree it’s about time the male species endure painful procedures like slathering yards of hot wax on sensitive parts of the anatomy then yanking out the black hairy buggers at their roots. Why should the ladies be the only ones sitting immobile while a technician fries body parts with a Star-Trek-like laser beam?  
Now everyone can get in on the guarantee to rid the upper lip of that nasty brown caterpillar they’ve sported for years or the five-o-clock shadow that knows no end.
For those who aren't brave enough to endure much pain, there are “natural” methods of hair removal from which to select. Once practiced by the ancients, “Stringing” or “Threading” is making a big come-back into modern culture.
I looked up the how-to online, but after reading the complex instructions that involved the equivalent of trying to snag a tiny single hair by a cats-cradle maze of taught string,  I decided a video might make it easier to figure out.
At first I thought I was watching “Fifty Shades of Grey” the home version, ‘cause the poor lady looked like she was going to hang herself. I was more confused after viewing the video then when I started, and decided to avoid attempting any such maneuver on my own.
You’ve probably notice those TV commercials advertising a product called the “No-No”. It looks like a tiny Smartphone, only it removes hair instead of giving you brain cancer or arthritis in your thumbs. Ditto with the mÄ“ smoothgizmo which resembles a miniature walkie-talkie. 
Both sounded painless and since a bazillion satisfied users couldn’t be wrong, my curiosity got the best of me. I had to check it out. I spotted them at my local BBB store and the store manager almost had to call the paramedics when I saw the prices…well over $200 for the No-No and the me-me closed in on a mere $400. 
I guess it’s a bargain when compared to years of painful waxing or laser treatments. But truth be told, no matter how you approach it, stubble removal is a financially hair raising experience.
Bottom line:  if you need to get rid of the hair, but don’t have the $$ to spare, the DIY string method may just be the answer to prayer.  Budda-boom!

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Oil You Pulling My Leg?

Get ready to tantalize your taste buds!
If you haven’t heard of “oil pulling” for better health, I’m sure you will soon. It’s nothing new— been around for thousands of year. It’s actually a folk remedy where oil is swished or held in the mouth. Supporters claim it’s capable of improving oral and systemic health by "pulling out toxins" (which are known as ama in its origins of Ayurvedic medicine) and thereby reducing inflammation.
Okay, then.
I’m not knocking this homespun remedy for what ails you—quite the contrary. I’m all about “what have you got to lose” if it’s cheap, easy and non-toxic. The thing I can’t get past is moving oil around in my mouth for a minimum of fifteen minutes. Holding mouthwash in there for more than a few seconds is a challenge for me, and that has a somewhat pleasant taste.
The very thought of slurping a spoonful of sesame, black seed or olive oil makes me flash on prepping for a colonoscopy. And I don’t think I need to tell you how delightful that is.
I suppose one could swish sweet-flavored oil like coconut. Or if you wanted to chase away vampires or your least favorite people, you could go with garlic infused.
The dilemma is, if a person can actually get past the oil residue coating the inside of their mouth, they then have to decide what to do with the leftover swish-gunk (not a scientific term). The gunk is produced when the oil mixes with your saliva. As the oil is swished around the mouth, it continues to absorb toxins, and usually ends up turning thick, viscous and white (yuck!). When the oil has reached this consistency, it has to be spit (spat?) out before the toxins are reabsorbed.
Here’s a question I ponder… what happens, exactly, when I re-absorb my own toxins? Will my tongue turn blue, shrivel up and fall out? Hey, why did my hubby Garth just come running into the room grinning and waving a bottle of olive oil at me?
Once emulsified, how do we get rid of this toxic goop? Should we resurrect the spittoon? Watch more ballgames to learn how to spit properly?  Will gunk-spitting clog the drain?
I have a few friends doing this, and even my daughter is giving it a pull, because apparently there are more benefits than just good oral health.  For instance, it might help everything from symptoms of bronchitis and arthritis to the reduction of eczema. Two big benefits for consideration are improved vision and abbreviated hangover after alcohol consumption. Those may be reason enough to convince me to give it a tryor not.
There are no real scientific research results to back up these claims, of course. But if holding some oil in your mouth can cure all these ailments, the cost sure beats the heck out of making Affordable Healthcare payments. I wonder if swishing and pulling can cure that?  Guess there’s nothing to lose by giving it a try.
So waddya say? C’mon…let’s crack out the oil and get this pulling party started!

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

This… Is… J..E..O..P..A..R..D..Y..!

If you haven’t tuned in to “Jeopardy” lately, maybe you should. Things are getting pretty darn exciting!
Garth and I have been glued to the tube watching the semi-finals of the latest tournament. The “Battle of the Decades” is in honor of the program’s thirty years on television.
People had to go online, weeks in advance, and vote for their favorite champion from each of the decades (as if anyone can remember who won Jeopardy in 1984). Whichever champs got the most votes, appears in the tournament. Grand prize – a cool million!
I’m not a big game-show enthusiast—but Garth and I have been addicted to Jeopardy for years. 7-7:30PM is sacrosanct around our house. Dinner has to be cooked, eaten and dishes rinsed before it starts. If we run a little late, I jump up during commercials to put the leftovers away and shove the dishes in the dishwasher.  We don’t answer the phone or go to the bathroom. Our kids know that if they call during that time frame, their houses better be on fire.
One of the reasons we love it so much is it keeps our feeble brains semi-sharp. Back in the day when Trivial Pursuit was popular, Garth and I were an unbeatable team. We’re still not too bad at the game. Sometimes, it just takes us a few hours to come up with the answer, rather than a few seconds. Jeopardy is our last hope to try to remember facts we can’t remember we’ve forgotten.
As you would expect, the tournament questions for these former champions are pretty tough.  For example, the answer to one question was “Jay-Z”.
I asked Garth, “Isn’t he married to Beyonce or someone?”
Garth said, “No, he’s married to X-Y.”
Ya gotta admit - the guy’s sharp!
I was proud of Garth the other night. He pulled an answer out of nowhere to one of the most obscure questions you’ve ever heard.
“Garth!” I squealed. “WOW! You got it right!”
“Well, waddya know,” he replied. “After twenty-two years, eleven months, two weeks, and fourteen hours of marriage, I got something right.”
“Keep it up, Babe,” I encouraged him, “you’re on a roll.”