Welcome to my humor blog where I offer my take on: Life - that crazy stuff that happens on the way to your dreams *** Liberty - to Snippet on any subject that pops into my brain *** and the Pursuit of Happiness - both yours and mine.

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Saturday, December 20, 2014

Simply Having a Wonderful No-Mall Time

I've sworn off shopping at the mall. At least for this year’s presents. Every Christmas season I vow I’m not going there—and every year I give in. But not this time!  All gifts are purchased and I haven’t stepped foot in that place.
Are you wondering what’s wrong with shopping at the mall during the Holiday season? Are you daft?
Guess I’ve got my Scrooge on, but no-mall shopping has nothing to do with crowded parking lots or jammed stores or…. It’s the people who think their list is the only one that counts that kinda ruin the hustle and bustle for everyone else. N’est-ce pas?
Ranker.com recently posted their list of the 10 most annoying TV hosts. Some of the “winners” were not happy.
So, in the spirit of giving, I’ve decided to post my own “Top 10” list. I expect some of my winners won’t be happy, either. No biggie. Most likely, they won’t recognize themselves anyway.
No-mall shopping may put a damper on the ho-ho-ho to some, but it’s lifted my spirit considerably to give vent to….
  “The 10 most annoying people you encounter while shopping in a mall”
#10. The people who pull clothes off the racks for a look-see—and leave them tossed over the top of the carousel. Hello. This is not your closet and I’m not your mother. Hang them back up.
#9. The people who try on shoes from the sale rack—and leave their abandoned assortment scattered all over the floor. I’m not your maid, either.
#8.  The people who blare into their cell phone while paying for their purchases—and ignore the cashier and anyone else within twenty feet of where they’re standing. Honestly, we don’t care if your sister’s ex-husband may or may not show up at the holiday dinner. Stifle.
#7. The people who won’t let you go ahead of them in line—and stare at your one item, knowing they have more than ten. It’s fine. Not to worry that I’m on Medicare, have arthritis in my hands, no strength in my arms and need to go to the bathroom. You first.
#6.  The people at the register who decide to help the person calling on the phone—while you stand in front of them ready to pay. Really, I don’t mind waiting. I’m sure the person who couldn’t bother to actually come into the store is much more important than I am.
#5. The people at the register who fold the clothes or gab about the weather—and 20 people are fidgeting impatiently in the check-out line. It’s so nice that the company manual emphasized your need to engage with the customer. Too bad you didn’t read the part where they tell you to stop yappin’ when things are really busy.

#4. The people who wait until all their items have been wrung up—and then begin digging in their purse looking for their wallet. How many years have you been shopping? Do you pay every time? ‘Nuff said.
#3. The people who work in the kiosks hawk their wares as you pass by—then chase you half way round the mall if you ignore them. It’s not that I don’t want to get sprayed with something, have my feet massaged or have a body part engraved. I’m just in a hurry.
#2. The people who ignore their screeching toddler—and decide it’s best to continue shopping during nap time. Have you read the “Baby Wise” book? I might suggest you ask Santa for a copy.
#1. The people who ignore the fact it’s the middle of cold season—and don’t wipe their kid’s snotty nose. Buy a box of Kleenex…please!



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